


Before the Fall

by SquirrleyCow



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Borderline Alcoholism, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Growing Pains, M/M, angsty, i swear there's fluff, just gotta find it under the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-26 06:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6227035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrleyCow/pseuds/SquirrleyCow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snowdin is nice, quiet. The monsters pleasant, friendly, welcoming. That's what I needed, right? That's what Papyrus needed. I'd been everything but pleasant and friendly since we moved. I wasn't always like this. I used to be a half-way decent monster to be around. I had friends, a job and I walked away from it all. But what happened? Why did I feel like we needed to get away from New Home, from the lab? To drag my teenage brother across the underground to escape the haunting shadow around us? Or was it just surrounding me?</p><p>Ugh, this was frustratingly familiar. All these questions and no answers. Maybe I really was crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A prequel to undertale in which Sans is raising his younger brother Papyrus and dealing with FEELINGS as he realizes not everyone remembers the same things he does.

I sigh, running my hands over my face. I don't know how long Dr. Gaster's been gone, but it felt like it was time to move on.

The cabin in Snowdin was in mine and Pap's names, but there wasn't a record of who bought it. The house stood out among the others around in town, it dwarfed the others nearby.

Pap is still getting used to the snow. For some reason it feels familiar to me. He can't feel the cold like the other monsters and it makes him feel a little different. I tell him he's just as normal as everyone else because it's what he needs to hear. He didn't really fit in at the school in New Home, and he's not really fitting in here either. Fourteen is an awkward age for everyone, especially Pap.

I push my glasses back on the bridge of my nose, wondering, not for the first time if Gaster was my dad. I can't remember much more than he was my mentor and he died trying to create a new parallel universe for monsters to live in.

But even that was blurry and vague. He was tall, quiet. He taught me and Alphys so much. I can't recall having a mother and I can't find photos anywhere in the house, or anywhere in the apartment in New Home.

I down the rest of the drink in my glass and shudder. "Alcohol is bad for your brain. And your liver." Papyurs tells me, walking past me into the kitchen. "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" I ask, keeping the anger from my voice. He'd turned into a snarky little shit in the past few weeks.

"And it doesn't kill brain cells, it dehydrates them. Chronic dehydration and ingesting toxins from cheap alcohol is what causes brain damage in alcoholics." I correct him and he rolls his eyes with a loud sigh, pulling open a cabinet.

"Ugh, whatever. Your liver can't process alcohol forever. Its bad." He pulls down a box of cereal. "I have school in an hour, that's why I'm not sleeping. You'd know that if you weren't up all night drinking and" he looks back at me, frowning when he sees I was already pouring another glass. "moping over those charts."

I shrug, taking another drink. "Not moping..." I add, trailing off as I see a grouping of inconsistent results. I squint before taking my glasses off, _Damn I really need a new prescription_ , and circle the group. "This is just really bothering me, and I don't know why."

Papyrus sits across from me at the table. "Maybe you should ask Alphys?" He suggests, shoveling cereal in his mouth. I grimace at him. "Eat slower, you'll choke. Plus you sound like you're snorting milk."

He rolls eyes eyes and I frown. I was quickly losing my patience for his attitude. He eats slower and I smile a little in relief. "Thank you, you sound civil now." Pap gives me a rare smile and I feel better than I have in weeks.

"Maybe I will call Alphys, that's not a bad idea." I tell him, folding the charts. She's been buried in work since I left. No one really understood why I left so suddenly, but at the same time no one really pressed the issue. It was like a thick cloud was hanging over everyone I knew and no one could figure out why. Maybe I was the dark cloud and they were relieved I was gone?

I laugh darkly at that and take another small drink. Maybe because I was actually grieving the death of a father that I and no one else remembered? The thought alone is exhausting to wrap my brain around. I pinch the brow of my nose before resting the cold glass against my forehead and close my eyes.

"Alcohol is a depressant too, you know." Papyrus tells me.

I'm too tired to snap at him and when I see his worried face I feel too guilty to make an excuse. I force a smile and shove the glass across the table along with the bottle.

"Okay, I hear you now, Papy." I decide I won't drink in front of him anymore and I'm going to make an effort to be a better brother. After all, he was going through a lot too.

He slides out of his chair and hugs me. I'm startled like one of the Dogs getting pet. I recover and embrace him. "I'm sorry I worried you. It won't happen again."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, bro."

*

I wave to Papyrus as he walks into the snow to school. It isn't very far but I still feel a twinge of worry when he's out of sight. Back inside I pull out my phone and look at my contacts.

I have a few unopened messages from some of the other lab assistants, there are a half-dozen from Alphys. She texts at least once a day even though I rarely reply. I open her message stack and scroll through the sporadic, halting texts.

For a moment I'm tempted to text her back...but I've got work to do.

I head to my workshop behind the house with the folded charts under my arm. There was something consistently inconsistent in my timeline readings and I was determined to figure out what it was.

There's a squareish bottle full of honey-colored liquid sitting on the counter. After about two hours of tweaking the program on my computer my head starts to pound unpleasantly. I reach for the bottle and spin the top off to take a swig.

I wince at the burn on my tongue but shake it off. Looking at the read-outs with my left eye doesn't reveal anything new and it makes my head pound harder so I take a few more swigs from the bottle.

My vision is a little fuzzier now, but the ache in my head has stopped. Waiting for the massive computer to re-start is more boring than I expect and I down a few more sips.

Oh. The bottle's half-gone. Whoops.

I shrug and take another drink, quickly setting the bottle down when the monitor flashes to life. I groan, scratching the back of my skull. That didn't clear anything up, it only added more branches.

I flick through the new branches, thinking hard about how I could make the connection to timelines more secure. I open the program window and check my formulas again, tweaking a few more every so often.

My eyelids are feeling heavy when I reach for the bottle again.

"Damn." I breathe, shaking the thick-glass. "Empty."

I let the program close, saving my changes and let the computer reset. I push back from the keyboard and stand, wobbling on the spot.

Drowsily, I shake my head and stumble to the door to head back to the house. I'm a little shocked to see how late it is. Papyrus would've come home hours ago.

I drag myself up the stairs to peek inside his room. He's sleeping soundly in bed, several books stacked on his nightstand. I assume they're school-books and gently shut the door again.

I turn and stumble back down the stairs, leaning heavily on the rail. A large, long yawn makes me pause. I'm tempted to take the bottle from the table and head back down to the lab, but it always takes a while for the computer to restart...and the couch looks so comfy.

I drunkenly flop face-first onto the couch, bouncing a little. With a weak flick of my hand the TV turns on, I frantically turn the volume down and hope Papyrus didn't wake up. It doesn't sound like he's awake so I relax into the cushions.

Sometimes human shows will get picked up down here, mostly crap reality TV or cartoons. But it was a distraction.

I quickly fall asleep.

****

A week later:

"Shit, shit, shit!" I'm frantically searching for my other shoe, only one arm pulled through my coat. I groan in frustration and stand upright. With a quick blast of magic my floor is cleared and I can see my other sneaker half-shoved under the dresser.

"How the fuck did you get over here?" I complain as I shove my foot into it, not bothering to lace it. I scramble down the stairs, pulling my arm through my other sleeve and quickly zip the coat over the fresh coffee-stain on my sweater.

I trip over my laces at the third to last step and fall flat on my face in the living room. I gasp in horror more than pain when I hear a cracking sound.

Fuck.

I stand and wipe a hand across my face. No blood and I'm not dead so there's no more time to waste.

I slam the door behind me and I sprint through the snow to Papyrus' school. Parents and kids are milling around outside, a few are throwing snowballs.

I don't pay attention to them as I dart quickly through the crowd to the door. My sneakers are wet and I slip on the tile inside, gripping the door handle tightly as I nearly do the splits. I'm panting when I find my footing and I grumble down the hall, watching my step as I go.

"Should be a fucking floor mat there for the ones who actually wear shoes in this God-forsaken--!" I shut up when I turn a corner and see Pap sitting dejectedly on a bench outside of the principal's office.

He glances up at me and then back down, folding his arms over his chest.

"Sorry I'm late, I couldn't find my damn shoes and then I fell down the stairs and I think I need snow-boots like yours because I nearly fell again when I got here."

"I told you when parents night was two weeks ago." His frown deepens. I sigh and flop onto the bench beside him. "I know you did, it's on the fridge too. I was just running late today."

He rolls his eyes with a huff. "You're always late, Sans."

I lean against the wall and copy his posture, folding my arms over my chest too and scowling. A begrudging smile pulls at his lips. "Stop it, you look stupid." He says, looking away.

I heave an over-dramatic sigh and roll my eyes. "Ugh, you look stupid, gosh. You just, you just don't understand all my angst Pap!"

Papyrus snickers, still looking away.

"Ha, got you to smile."

"Did not."

Fine. I knew how to make that little jerk laugh. "Ugh, like, whatever. Like why even bother with, ugh, school and adults and shit? No one even knows anything anymore. They're all, ugh, just a bunch of fuckin' idiots." I do my best impersonation of myself at his age and Papyrus is curled over with laughter.

Someone very loudly clears their throat and I grimace in embarrassment when I turn and see the principal leaning out of her office door. A bear couple glares at me as they lumber past. I'm tempted to glare back, but I restrain myself.

The principal is a rabbit monster, she sternly looks at me with a hand on her hip. "You must be, Sans, Papyrus' brother?" One of her eyebrows rises.

I'm certainly not his mother, who else would I be? How many skeletons are there in Snowdin? Two. Me and him.

I force a smile and stand, extending my hand. "Yes, I'm Sans. Sorry you overheard that, just trying to get the little guy to laugh."

She looks hesitantly at my bony hand before shaking it firmly. "Yes, well. I'm obligated to remind you we are still in a school building. I am Cinnamon. I've been waiting to speak with you for some time, I'm afraid."

I anxiously rub the back of my neck. "Sorry about that, I got caught up with work and lost track of time."

"Yes, Papyrus tells me that you do research for the king?"

I glance sideways at Pap. Better than telling everyone his brother was unemployed. I shrug. "Part-time lab assistant. I took less hours when we moved to Snowdin." If Pap wanted to lie, I was going to let him. He'd figure out eventually that you can't tell lies forever.

Cinnamon gives a small smile. "How interesting. Please, come into my office." She gestures me in and I step into her spacious office. I take a seat. "I thought...the kids usually sit in on these too?" I say awkwardly.

She sighs before sitting down at her desk. "That is typically true Mr...?"

"Just Sans. We don't have a sur-name."

She nods. "Sans. That is typically true, but I am...concerned about your brother."

My skin prickles and I clench my fists in my jacket. "Oh?"

"He seems to be taking the move to Snowdin rather hard. And his attendance is less than perfect. His grades are sub-par, though he does have an unusual enthusiasm for learning."

I can feel the fake smile fade from my face.

"I feel like there are some...things at home that could probably be improved upon, for his sake of course." She smiles sickly sweet, interlacing her hands on the desk.

My pulse is hammering and I take a moment before I start speaking. "His grades are sub-par?" I question skeptically, my eyebrows rising.

She shuffles some papers and hands me a folded piece with Pap's name on it. If she'd paid attention, she would already know we have no sur-name. I calmly take the paper from her. Mostly B's, he has a C- in algebra. But he'd always done better with history and writing than math.

"B's are 'sub-par' to you?"

"We expect all our students to excel, to reach their highest potential. Papyrus is simply not reaching his."

I blink, almost physically hurting with the stupidity of her statement. "The kid was transferred in the middle of the semester, B's are more than acceptable. Yeah, he could be getting straight A's but who the fuck am I to be that strict when there's so much changing in his life?"

"Sir, your language is unnecessarily vulgar."

I snort, standing and tucking the report card into my pocket. "I think not. My brother is doing just fine." I hold up my hand when she tries to speak again. "Don't interrupt me, I wasn't finished. He's missed one day because he was sick and he was late three times because I called him back when he left his homework. Do you think that because I'm only his brother I can't take care of him? I love that pain in my ass more than you could understand and I want what's best for him, not what will get him good grades. Don't you dare pressure him with your bullshit standards."

She's staring blankly back at me when I jerk her door open. "Good night, Principal Cinnamon."

I slam the door hard enough that the glass trembles in its frame. "C'mon Pap, let's meet your teachers." I say brightly.

His mouth is open when I smile down at him. He shakes himself and jumps to his feet. "Okay! I want you to meet my English teacher first! She's my favorite." To my pleasant surprise he takes my hand and pulls me down the hall.

Ugh, this little shit... I loved him. No one got to pick on him but me, because no one else could tease him without hurting his feelings.

*

By the time we walk back to the house I'm exhausted. It took a surprising amount of effort to be social and pleasant. I approved of his teachers, and chastised myself for not meeting them sooner. His algebra teacher wasn't upset with his grade and told me how impressed he was with his work ethic. Apparently he'd been staying after school to get tutored.

I hadn't even noticed he was coming home late.

Papyrus squeezes my hand, shaking it to bring me out of my reverie. I smile down at him. "Awfully affectionate tonight." I say.

He shrugs. "Thanks for coming. I know you didn't really want to."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you don't like other people."

I laugh at his astute observation. "While that's mostly true, I do like a few people. And you're my little brother. Gotta make sure you're 'reaching your true potential'."

He snorts at my impression and pulls his hand away. I tuck mine into my coat. "You drift sometimes, you know. Lost in thought."

I nod.

We walk for a little longer in silence, the snow crunches under our shoes. That calm stillness surrounds us in the way that only snow can.

"If you want, I could help with your Algebra." I offer, feeling like shit that I didn't pay more attention to him lately.

Pap shakes his head with a laugh. "No way. You can't talk at a level I get. And I don't mean cause you're older, I mean cause you're a physicist. You can't help it, you just explain it in ways that go right over my head. Mr. Starfall can explain it simply, straightforward."

"Oh. I didn't realize I did that."

He shrugs. "Its fine, Sans. It's just you."

That stung a little. "I...I don't make you feel stupid, do I?"

Papyrus groans. "Ugh. No. Why, do you think I'm stupid?" He snaps.

"I didn't say that!"

"So you do think I'm stupid!"

I blink hard, not understanding where he got that idea. "No, I don't think you're stupid, Papyrus. I just meant I hoped I never made you feel like that."

He growls in frustration. "Why, because you're a genius you can't manage a conversation without talking down to someone? You know, it was kind of cool that you put the principal in her place but you didn't have to be a dick about it."

Did I talk down to people?

"Do...I do that a lot?"

Papyrus angrily shakes his head and storms off toward the house. It's only a hundred feet away now. I close my eyes with a weary sigh and let him continue on his own. I didn't have the energy to argue with him, no matter what I said it wouldn't make a difference.

I couldn't seem to do anything right lately.

*

I wince as I take a long drink from my bottle. Leaning closer to the mirror I gently prod the fresh crack around my right eye-socket.

My eye had swollen a bit, but the difference between my sockets was negligible. Probably no one really noticed at the parents night.

I take another drink and sit on the bathroom counter to get a better look at my eye. "Wish I had healin' magic. All I've gots' this nigh useless time magic." I say a little drunkenly to myself.

"Wait."

I look down at my left hand and urge the flow of magic in my veins to concentrate in my fingertips. They spark, gold and blue for a moment before a dim blue mist clings to them. I turn to the mirror and gingerly touch the crack beneath my eye, letting the magic press into my invisible swollen skin.

"Come on, turn back." I impatiently urge.

I gasp when it works. The small crack quickly fades and the swelling is gone. The effort to revert just a small part of the injury drains me instantly and I slump against the mirror, barely managing to catch my bottle before it's knocked off the counter.

I pant hard, my breath fogging the mirror, and smile smugly at my reflection.

"Go me." I say as toast myself before taking a small sip.

After a few moments I set the bottle down, spinning the cap securely in place. I wobble on my feet when I stand and stow the bottle under the sink before shuffling to my bed in the next room.

I flop gracelessly onto the mattress and instantly fall asleep.

****

_Darkness. Everywhere I turn it's dark. I scream into the nothing and it screams back._

_I turn, running desperately._

_A tall figure looms menacingly out of nowhere._

_I fall flat on my ass in terror, scrambling back frantically._

_The figure blinks out of existence and appears inches from my face. I'm too scared to make any sound._

_One eye works, the other looks fused shut in the plain white face. Its smile has cracks spreading from the edges. There are deep cracks above its closed eye and below the open one, a light pulses beneath them._

_An icy sensation crawls down my spine when garbled words spill from its mouth. It leans even closer, the voice sounds angry._

_I jump when hands appear and hold my face tight. A jolting energy rolls through my brain and I can suddenly understand its words._

_"L O O K  W H A T   Y O U ' V E   D O N E  T O   M E  S A N S ! ! !"_

*

I wake up screaming and sit up, fighting the bed sheets. "NO!" I'm drenched in sweat, my shirt clings to me uncomfortably.

I pant hard as I try to calm down.

"Sans?!" Pap yells from down the hall. I can hear his frantic footsteps before he throws open my door.

"Sans! I heard you scream!" He stares at me for a moment before he hesitantly steps into the room. "You uh weren't doing anything...gross, were you?"

I laugh at the unexpected question and run a hand over my sweaty face. "Because I'd tell you if I was, pervert." I joke back.

He rolls his eyes but smiles a little. "Bad dream?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I've finally caught my breath and nod. "Yeah. Sorry I woke you."

He shrugs and doesn't seem to know where to look. "I've been having some nightmares lately too. I think it's the move." He says.

I smile tiredly, feeling bad for putting the kid through so much crap in the past few weeks. "You're probably right." I lie convincingly.

Pap stands before he awkwardly hugs me. "Get some rest, brother. You need it." He says before shutting the door and walking quickly back to his room.

I stare at the door for a long moment before I try to go back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

 

I blink.

My vision swims in shades of white and purple.

I groan and close my eyes, struggling to think straight. Something cold is trailing over my skin.

My eyes pop open and I sit up. The sudden movement makes my vision swim again. I clutch the side of my skull and wait for the spinning to stop.

I'm lying on the floor of the tub. Icy cold water cascades over me. I blink water from my eyes as I look up. I've torn the shower-curtain from some of its rings.

When...when did I get in the shower?

I reach forward and turn off the water.

I sit on the cold porcelain and try to gather my scrambled thoughts. I look to my right at the bathroom floor. My clothes are in a pile by the door. I grimace. I can see vomit on my shirt.

I probably got black-out drunk and threw up on myself then tried to clean-up.

I shake my head at myself and stand, carefully stepping onto the bathmat. My phone is on the counter. I grab it as I wrap a towel around my waist and sit on the edge of the tub.

My heart skips a beat. On my notepad I've typed out "timELINE DIVErgENCE THEory".

"What a cryptic thing to say, drunk me. Couldn't manage to understand caps lock, could you?" I set the phone face down on the counter, fighting the deep unease in my gut.

Timeline divergence theory. My dissertation topic?

I frown but shrug it off. I stand and dry off, hanging the shower-curtain up again, throwing away the two rings that busted.

I shuffle to my room and stretch. I wince at a sharp pain in my ribs. I look down and am surprised to see the dark shadow of a large bruise over my bones; stretching from my armpit all the way to my hip on my right side.

I turn and face the mirror, holding my right arm up to get a better look. The shadow is dark enough that I can't see my rib cage through most of it. "Shit..." I gently prod the center and wince loudly.

My unease deepens to a low-grade anxiety. My mouth is dry as I try to find clothes. Thoughts race as I quickly dress.

Did I hit the side of the tub when I fell? I'm lucky it didn't kill me. I know how low my HP really is compared to everyone else. Dumb luck was the only thing that had kept me alive these twenty-two years.

Something flashes behind my eyes. A hazy memory of a warning from someone who towered over me. No words, but I remember the message. _Be careful, you're incredibly fragile. The smallest injury or illness could kill you._

My stomach turns nauseously and I dash for the bathroom, vomiting bile into the sink. A cold sweat has broken out on my forehead. I'm shaking when I look up at my reflection again.

_Please, Sans let me help you._

Again, no voice. Just the memory of the message. I'm breathing hard, my legs can't hold me upright. I slump to the floor.

_It's for your own good. I would never harm you, son._

A scream claws its way up my throat before I can stop it. Layers of terror constrict around me. I force my jaw shut, clamping my hands over my mouth and breath alarmingly fast. My knees pull tight to my chest and I stare wide-eyed without seeing at the white tile.

Things crawl at the edge of my recollection. Dark, violent, twisting shadows. I shove them away in horror, shaking my head violently. I don't even know if I'm actually denying (or in denial about) memories. All I know is I'm not opening Pandora's box. That shit can stay unknown.

After an immeasurable amount of time my muscles release their vice grip and I slowly slide to the floor on my side. I'm laying across the threshold of my bathroom and bedroom. The cold tile is a relief on my sweat-drenched skin.

If I could turn my head I would see the clock behind me at the doorway of the hall. But I can't muster the energy to.

Distantly, I hear my phone vibrate on the counter.

My fingers twitch and very gradually I regain the ability to move. I'm delayed when I reach for the phone. I can't quite make myself cooperate with my intentions.

I grab the phone. Its another text from Alphys.

_*Haven't heard from you in a few hours. Are you okay, Sans?_

My eyebrows furrow in confusion when I see I had a coherent conversation with her last night. By coherent, it wasn't the typical drunken, typo-filled joking texts I sent when I was on a bender.

I gasp when I see the date. "Fuck!" The last time I could remember checking, it was the 12th. It's the 15th.

I rub my temple and re-read the conversation with Alphys. I was worried about something, deeply, but I didn't tell her what. Jeeze, I sounded like I was crazy. Spouting off about timelines, formulas and code. It seemed like some of the texts were missing, or I was only half-explaining things before jumping to another topic.

I close my eyes. It was a Wednesday, 10:36 am. Papyrus was in school, or he would've come running at my scream.

I open my eyes and sigh, leaning against the door.

Before I can reply there's another text.

_*Maybe you should_

My phone vibrates in my hands again.

_*I dunno. Maybe you should talk to someone, Sans?_

And tell them what exactly? That I was bat-shit crazy, either hallucinating or repressing the holy fuck out of something? I shudder. I didn't want to poke at whatever was lurking in the recesses of my mind.

And now I was blacking-out while stone-cold sober.

My low-grade anxiety had leaped to full-blown paranoia.

I look at the cabinet to my left. I open it and pull one of the bottles out, spinning the top off with my thumb and taking a long, much needed drink.

There were hours before Papyrus came home. I could drink a little and not worry him. Well, worry him anymore than I already had that is.

_*sorry alphy. didnt mean to worry you._

_*Sans?!_

I chuckle shortly, I could almost hear her gasp of relief, and take another pull from the bottle. I could already feel the liquid courage easing my nerves.

_*i think i had a little too much to drink last night and was rambling. just forget about it._

I adjust and let my head rest against the door. I stare up at the purple ceiling while I wait for her reply, taking another drink.

I hold my phone up when it buzzes.

_*I...don't think that's a good idea. You were adamant last night that I understood what you were telling me._

I frown.

_*im not talking to anyone about anything because nothings wrong. i just got worked up about my research is all. you know how i get sometimes._

*That's my point, Sans. You can get...kind of worrisome.

My head tilts in confusion. My muscles are feeling most of the alcohol by now. I hadn't noticed how dreadful my head was pounding until it stopped.

 _*worrisome?_ I text back.

I drain another quarter of the bottle while I wait for her reply. I have to blink several times to focus when my phone buzzes. I stare at the wall of text and slowly scroll through it.

_*You're my friend. I worry about you though. Even while you were here you would lock yourself away to tinker and do research. I think no one ever confronted you because you were so astoundingly brilliant, you were so efficient, so determined. For a few months I wasn't sure if you were even sleeping. You are so special, Sans. I don't want to see you waste away. I don't want to get a phone call from your brother when he finds your dust because you wouldn't go get help. You can say you're fine, you only quit to take better care of Papy. But I know you. Your research was killing you here, where we made you go home to sleep, where we were here to make sure you ate and showered, where Papy had a live-in sitter. Now you've got no one to stop you. You can't keep sprinting toward oblivion. When was the last time you had a full nights sleep? When you get like you were last night it's usually been a week straight you've been up._

I re-read the long text several times before it sinks in fully.

I jump when the phone vibrates in my hands again.

_*I'm worried for you Sans. Please don't hate me. Go get help. Papyrus would understand. He could stay with me if it came to that._

I scoff at my phone and down the rest of the bottle.

_*i could never hate you alphy._

I hit send and turn off my phone, shoving it in my pocket as I stand. I grab my dirty clothes and carry them downstairs, stuffing them in the washer.

It's noon now.

I stuff my feet into my sneakers and walk outside. The cold air feels nice. I make my way around the back of the house and sneak into my hidden workshop.

I freeze when I turn on the light.

Piles of papers are stacked haphazardly around the cramped room. A hastily drawn sketch is tacked to the wall by the counter.

I step closer to it. "What the fuck is that thing?" My face scrunches in confusion as I pull it down from the wall. It looked like a demonic-skull drawn from several angles. The markings in the margins are some coded gibberish.

It looked familiar.

I turn to the piles of papers, somehow knowing which one to check. I snatch an updated chart of the timelines. My eyes widen when it's several sheets of paper taped together. "That's...more instances than I remember."

I shake my head and compare the scrawled markings to the read-outs beside my chart. I feel goosebumps crawl over my skin.

Sporadically there were entire lines of this...code that appeared in my chart descriptions, the part that described what the key points in our future timeline were. Time-stamps had been added, and more events. But it was all written in this gibberish.

"What...?" My head swims again. I drop the papers to the floor and reach for my chair. I stare at the chaos of paperwork around me and my blood runs cold. "What the fuck happened?"

I spin in my chair and turn on my computer.

My breathing quickens. It turns right on, no wait-time like before. The screen is covered in finger-prints. I groan at myself. I knew better than to touch the screen like that. I don't have time to clean it now.

I open my timeline program. The scrolling read-out on the left is peppered with that strange code again.

I sigh and lean back in my chair, scratching my skull. "What the fuck happened?" I repeat.

Without really wondering why, I reach out and tug on a piece of paper in a stack on my left. Its corner was poking out. But so were so many others.

I recognize my handwriting.

"Don't forget this time...?"

I frown at the paper. I'm beginning to feel exhaustion set in. "Don't forget what?" My phone's note pad had 'timeline divergence theory' on it. I was surrounded by paper, my computer was working way faster than it ever had. I had blacked-out the past three days, and I was leaving myself cryptic notes in code.

With that same knowing I reach for another piece of paper. "He's real. You're not insane." A chill runs through my blood.

I turn and rifle through a stack behind me. "Gaster is real. Gaster WAS real." I start breathing harder, these were on the back of specific timeline screenshots. I bounce back and forth through the workshop until I've pieced together the jumbled story I left for myself.

Gaster was real. My program was improved. I had connected to...something. I'd found something I wasn't supposed to know. I had uncovered a deep, deep secret and I couldn't keep it. I was warning myself not to poke around my own brain for a while.

In a spark of insanity I had wiped my own memory. Or something wiped it for me and in anticipation I wrote what I could with the time I had.

Ugh. I'm so tired. The thing that I'd sketched was familiar, I almost wished I'd paid more attention to that than whatever awful thing had plagued my mind.

I hold the last piece of paper in my hands. I sit surrounded by the chaos of my mind manifested in raving notes.

My mouth is dry.

"You'll remember again someday. I pray you can handle it."

****

Something nudges me. I groan, wincing when I try to open my eyes. "Shit. Bright."

A frustrated groan, the sound of something rolling across the floor. "So much for your promise. What, you think I'm stupid just because I'm not as smart as you are, Sans?!"

I'm far too hung-over for Pap to be yelling at me. "Jeeze, take it down a notch. And again with saying you're stupid?" I complain, sitting up and holding my head as the room spins. The kid was always on about that.

"YOU PROMISED SANS!"

I wince, looking up at Papyrus towering angrily over me. I cover one of my eyes to steady the spinning. I'm in my workshop. How long have I been down here? I grimace. I didn't know. A few days?

I can't help but groan at the pounding in my skull. Hours had blurred together after I cleaned up the mess. With the improvements to my program I'd thrown myself back into discovering the source of the growing inconsistencies in the future.

But there was only so much one could see in data that was coded in fucking nonsense. Ugh. I needed a way to _see_ what the data represented.

The lights flicker overhead. I had spaced out for too long. Papyrus is fuming, I've never seen him so mad before.

"SO MUCH FOR THAT! ALL IT TAKES IS A WEEK OF WALLOWING DOWN HERE BEFORE YOU FALL OFF THE WAGON!" I stare blankly up at him when his right eye flashes orange.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU QUIT YOUR JOB, YOU DRAG ME ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE UNDERGROUND AND THEN YOU TRY DRINKING YOURSELF TO DEATH!" A pale orange haze covers his clenched fists.

"Calm down, Pap." I whisper, my hands fall to my lap. I remembered vividly when I first discovered my magic. I blew up half the school gym, set the locker-rooms on fire and then passed-out in the blaze.

Thank God Undyne was in my gym class, no one else was brave enough to drag me out of the fire. Everyone assumed I'd done it all on accident. I'd been so pissed at someone just bumping into me that I snapped. I was trying to destroy things.

But that sometimes happened when monsters get their first taste of magic.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" He screams. "YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER!" His eye flashes brighter, and I'm suddenly standing. "GOD SANS, WHAT THE FUCK?!" he swings an arm to the right and I slide across the white tile and into the computer desk. The metal dents under the force, the keyboard sparks and my head bounces against the monitor with a crash.

Papyrus and I stare at each other. He's breathing hard and it takes a few moments for the glare to fade from his face. His eye fades to black with a final blink.

"You okay?" I ask without moving when his shoulders slump and he sways on the spot.

"Y-yeah..." He holds a hand to his face and leans against the wall. "Just...really tired." He closes his eyes and I carefully push myself from the keyboard. I'm grateful he wasn't strong or mad enough to throw me through the monitor, that would've killed me.

"Lets head up-upstairs." I stutter when the muscles in my back pull painfully. Papyrus glares at me when I touch his shoulder. He groans, closing his eyes again. His hands are shaking. "Be mad at me, but let me get you upstairs first."

Pap pulls away from me and sways toward the door. I don't try to grab him when he loses his footing, I use my magic to keep him upright. He still flashes a orange-eyed glare at me, this saps the last of his energy and I have to catch him.

"I hate you so much right now." He growls when I swing his arm over my shoulders. "Yeah? Quit bitching, not going to let you face-plant."

The progress is slow, but he's too heavy and too prideful to let me carry him. He was as tall as I was already. He's trembling and sweaty when I get him to bed. "You're going to be sick for a few days." I tell him. "Fucking great." He complains, shaking hard.

"Watch your language."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "What-e-ever."

"Okay, what's the deal with you?" I snap, pulling the blanket around him. "Wh-whats the d-deal with yo-you?"

I run a hand over my face and groan. "Fucking hell, kid. Can you drop the stereotypical-teen act for ten minutes? It's exhausting."

"Sh-shut up."

I massage my temples. "Fine." I shrug angrily and glare at him. "Fine. You want to know what my problem is? There's an entire person that no one else but me can remember. He's fucking gone. GONE! He got shredded into the void because he was trying desperately to save the underground. I can't remember anything beyond he was the royal scientist and he wasn't the only monster who died. And I honestly don't know if he was our dad because I can't remember and we have NO pictures, or videos or diaries or anything to tell us who our parents were or how we own this house."

Papyrus stares blankly at me.

"And don't say you want to know his name, because I've even asked you and you never remember it." I sigh heavily and stand. "You need water. I'll grab another blanket too."

"Sans..."

I don't look back as I walk out the door, he's not going to remember anyway. My head is pounding when I get down to the kitchen but I ignore it, filling a pitcher with ice water and grabbing a glass. I jerk my head at the throw blanket over the back of the couch and it drapes over my shoulder.

Papyrus is sullenly waiting for me. I close my eyes and sigh, pausing before I step over the threshold.

"N-never an-answered me." Pap complains as I throw the fleece blanket over him and tuck him in. I touch his forehead and frown as I look at him hard through my left eye. His health has increased but it hasn't caught up from its previous level.

"You wouldn't get it." I tell him, leaning back.

He shudders, glaring at me again. "N-not a ki-kid."

"I know you're not. But you're not an adult yet either."

"Ha-have a t-t-terrible exa-example."

I snort, pouring him a glass of water. I make him drink half of it. "That you do, bud. I'd give you something to eat, but the first taste of magic is always hard on the body. You'd just throw up. What you need is rest."

Papyrus shivers hard again before his gentle trembling resumes. I sigh, I don't want to leave him here alone but I don't really know what to do to fill the time.

I smile and he eyes me questioningly. "Wh-what?"

"Remember how I used to help you get to sleep?" Papyrus narrows his eyes. "D-don't..."

I laugh and stand, walking to his shelf. "I ha-hate you so much." Pap says almost halfheartedly. I pull the children's book from the shelf and sit back on the bed. "Come on, it always put you to sleep."

"I'm going to hate you f-forever if you read to me Sans."

"Promises, promises." I say, turning the pages to a story he really used to love. He turns away with a huff, but with a happy surprise I notice his eyes start to droop lower. I read a few stories out loud, leaning back on one hand. After about half an hour he's sleeping lightly, only shivering every few minutes.

I close the book and set it on the nightstand.

I wonder for a moment how much easier this would have been for him if I hadn't had my head shoved up my ass but decide it's better to just move forward from here.

***

I can hear Pap coming down the stairs. I lightly flip the pancake from the pan onto a plate beside the stove, it sits with a few others and steam curls up around it.

"Coffee's fresh." I tell him over my shoulder as I pour more batter onto the pan. "Pick a stack. You still like pancakes, right?"

I turn when I don't hear movement. Papyrus is leaning hard on his left hand, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. His mouth is open a little in shock. He shakes himself. "Okay, who are you and what've you done with my brother?"

I laugh when he looks to the table where a plate of scrambled eggs and fake-on sits. He glances back at me in disbelief before he takes a few shaky steps to the table. I expertly flip the pancake back into the pan and pick up one of the plates. "Want coffee, juice?" I ask before setting the plate in front of him.

He looks suspiciously at the pancakes and then at me, narrowing his eyes further. "Coffee...I guess?" He answers.

I nod in approval and drain my cup before pulling another from the cabinet. My head was pounding like a motherfucker. Pap had been sleeping on and off for three days and I hadn't had a drink since I'd dragged him up to his room.

I pause to wipe sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. I was still drying-out, it was harder than I expected.

But damn it, I had to stop.

I flick my hand and the almost burned pancake slides on top of my stack, the stove turns off. I pour coffee and set the mugs on the table before grabbing my plate and sitting across from Papyrus.

He's still staring at me in suspicious surprise.

"Is this real, or am I having a fever-dream?" He asks, looking into his mug before taking a drink.

I have to close my eyes for a moment at the pounding in my skull. But I force a smile and pour syrup over my slightly burned pancakes. Pap got all the good ones. "It's real. I've been a gigantic asshat and I'm," I pause to take a bite. Not bad. I point at him with my fork. "I'm going to be different."

Papyrus rolls his eyes and takes the syrup. "Forgive me if I don't believe you."

I shrug, wincing involuntarily. "I don't blame you."

There's a few moments of silence as we both eat. I'm surprised at my ability to still cook. I can't help but smile a little with pride when he finishes his plate and piles eggs and fake-on high.

"It's good." Pap manages around a mouthful of food and I laugh.

"Glad you like it." I tell him, snatching a piece of fake-on before he eats all of it. "Want the rest of my pancakes? I'm already full." I hand him my plate when he eagerly nods his head. I laugh again and don't regret the renewed throbbing in my brain.

I massage my right temple, taking another drink of coffee. I watch Papyrus devour all the food with a pleased smile. He sits back with a sigh.

"Water." He says.

I frown at him.

"You need water." He explains with a weak smile. "You're dehydrated, Sans." He gestures to my face. "That's why your head hurts."

My frown deepens. "Haven't had a drink since..."

He continues to smile smugly at me. "Water." He repeats, stretching his arms over his head. "It's Saturday, right?" He asks as I stand and stack the plates.

I laugh. "It's Monday."

He groans, rolling his head back. "Ugh, I have a test today."

I shrug, turning to put the plates in the sink. I pull a tall glass from the cabinet and fill it with water. I was a little parched. "I already called you in sick. The school knows and everyone goes through this to varying degrees. The lovely Ms. Cinnamon said to let you recover fully before you return to school."

Pap laughs at that. "I really shouldn't miss that test."

I turn and lean against the counter. "You want to go to school and take a test you haven't studied for? You can barely walk straight."

He scoffs at me and stands. I drink from my glass as I watch him wobble on his feet. A quick glance with my left eye tells me he's fully recovered his HP. But being at full health doesn't make you healthy. Hell, I was a prime example of that.

There's a weak shadow around him. I blink away my left eye's focus and the shadow is gone. I wasn't a doctor...Well, not a medical doctor anyway. But I was comfortable assuming his magic had drained a lot of the energy from his soul and it just needed time to bounce back.

I smile when his steps are more certain. Or maybe... ? "I think you got taller."

He laughs. "Really?"

I stand upright and walk closer to him. I have to tilt my head back a little to look up at him. "Yeah, I'd say a couple inches at least."

He laughs. "I never thought I'd be taller than you."

Now I laugh. "I'm not tall, Pap. Every monster but Alphys, frogs and the vegetables are taller than me."

"Yeah, but there aren't any other skeletons but you and me." He shrugs. "I just thought this was how tall I was going to get." He gestures at me. I don't let myself get distracted by the bizarre fact that we're the only two skeletons in the underground. We both needed some rest and I desperately needed the mental vacation.

I drain the rest of the water and nudge his arm. "C'mon. Lets game a bit."

 


	3. Chapter 3

My bed is unbelievably comfortable that night. I shift under the blankets until I find a perfect spot and sigh.

But sleep doesn't come.

I have to roll over, abandoning the most amazing sleeping position I could remember, because I become too frustrated to stay still.

I roll and flop several more times before I end up sideways on my mattress with my legs propped against the wall and my head hanging off the bed.

I glance at the clock. 4am.

I close my eyes and sigh. How many nights had I drank myself to sleep? My circadian rhythm was fucked. Ugh.

I run my hands over my face. I was officially four days sober as of an hour ago and I had a long day planned tomorrow with Pap. He needed some instruction on using his magic before he went back to school. It would be better for him to have an idea of how to control it before he was around other monsters.

I was pretty sure his magic would be similar to my own, but for his sake I hoped he didn't have the sometimes disturbing insight I had into other monsters. I still wasn't completely sure my second-sight actually allowed me to see other timelines. The only person who encouraged me in that theory was gone.

Or wasn't real.

I wasn't exactly convinced my 'beautiful mind' episode a few weeks ago meant anything definitive about Gaster's existence.

Didn't I read an article somewhere that said alcoholism, substance abuse and mental illness can co-occur?

I groan into my hands. "Ugh. I just want to sleep. Shut-up brain."

After a heavy sigh I reach over my head for my phone on the floor. My hand trembles a little when I hold it in front of my face.

There weren't any new texts from the lab-assistants. But there was one from Alphys. I sit up to read it better.

_*Asgore made me the new Royal Scientist._

I don't know what to say for a long moment.

_*congratulations, alphy. you deserve it._

_*Ha. No I don't. You do._

I frown down at my phone. She was always a little insecure.

_*So there's this...ceremony later. Its going to be awful and awkward. It's Friday._

I chew my bottom lip. I knew what she was asking without saying it. I scratch the back of my skull, glancing over my shoulder to Papyrus' room through the wall. I hate social gatherings. I hate parties.

But I don't hate Alphys. And she hates being social almost as much as I do. I'd have to see all the lab assistants again if I went, and probably Asgore.

_*You don't have to go! I just thought I'd let you know, in case you did want to go. It's been a while since I've seen you._

My brow furrows in thought. I really don't want to go. All that forced interaction made my nerves raw. Plus I don't have clothes for a thing like that, or a sitter for Pap.

I only feel a little guilty for stretching the truth.

_*papyrus just got his magic a few days ago. i don't want to leave him by himself yet._

_*OH! Is he okay? Was it like you were in high school?_

I sigh with relief. I wouldn't have to go now. And I wouldn't hurt her feelings. She was basically my only friend at this point. I should probably be kinder to her.

_*yeah, he's still recovering. no, it wasn't as bad as mine. it was pretty normal. we don't know what abilities he has yet though. i'm going to let him get his feel for his power before he goes back to school. he definitely got the telekinesis._

I lie back on the bed and stretch with the phone on my chest. A yawn surprises me. I was suddenly feeling tired enough to sleep.

_*Wow! I've always been envious of the ones who got telekinesis! Does he have the bones too?!_

I chuckle at her excitement.

 _*we don't know yet. but it would make teaching him how to control it easier if he did._ I'm smiling at my phone as I type another text. _*i always thought your force-fields were cool._

_*not as cool as blue fire, transparent and solid bones! and what was the other thing you could do? i always forget what you called it._

My heart pounds just a little faster.

_*you mean the karma one?_

Alphys is the only one who knew about that one. After an awful date with one of the other lab-techs, she'd let me confide in her about it.

_*Lol! Yeah! After that asshole pissed you off and you embarrassed him in front of the whole restaurant!_

I laugh at that. He'd insulted our waiter and I'd gotten so mad that I tapped into my magic. Suddenly I could see how petty he really was. My left eye had sparked to life and I learned that night it had a pin-point focus on people's souls, to their deepest, darkest secrets. It showed what someone really looked like inside.

_*you shouldn't be a dick to people in the service-industry. those jobs suck enough already._

_*I'm dying remembering you telling me! What did you say exactly? It was hilarious!_

I laugh again. She had a habit of doing that, making me laugh when I felt like shit.

_*no...it was stupid because i was too pissed to come up with something better._

_*Aww...Come on Sans! All I remember is that you called him an ass._

I sigh happily, laughing harder. It was one of the lamest things I'd ever said to anyone. _*i told him if he was going to be a whiny asshole he should wear a diaper on his face to catch all the shit coming out of his mouth._

Typing it out is harder than I expect, I'm laughing too hard to concentrate. He'd made our waiter so pissed he nearly quit. I went and found him in the alley out back to give him a hefty tip and apologize on my date's behalf. He'd overheard me yell at him and I ended up having a pretty fun night after that.

I smile to myself. Flame monsters were always pretty wild if you could get past their initial shyness.

There's a long pause before Alphys texts back. Enough time passes that I get lost in remembering and I jump at being jerked back to reality so sharply.

_*Oh my gosh! I could never be that blunt! I would've just gone to the bathroom and crawled out a window!!!_

I laugh at the mental image of Alphys getting stuck in a bathroom window, her clawed feet kicking desperately to no avail. She'd be so embarrassed when someone would have to help her out.

My laughter slowly dies and I sigh.

Wait, it was almost 5am.

_*alphys, what're you doing up so late?_

I yawn widely again as I watch her typing a reply.

_*I couldn't sleep. Figured you were either still up or you finally crashed._

I shrug in agreement with that.

_*i was having trouble sleeping, but I'm actually getting tired now._

_*Oh, I see. I'm just that boring, huh? ;p_

I laugh at that.

_*well, you are pretty 'bored' into my life._

I hit send just before an intense wave of regret flows through me. Oh shit. That was stupid. Why did I send that? Oh jeeze, why did I think that was funny?

My phone buzzes with her reply. I'm paralyzed, my mouth dry.

I bite the bullet and open her text.

_*You're such a dork! ^u^_

I exhale in relief, my head falling back on the pillow. I lift the phone to my face and text her back.

_*yeah well this dork is going to bed. ttyl alphy._

_*Night, Sans_

I smile at the screen before dropping the phone off the bed. I'm asleep before I hear it hit the floor.

*

_"Be careful, you're incredibly fragile. The smallest injury or illness could kill you." The message echoes in my brain. Flashes of...sign language?_

_"Please, Sans let me help you." I'm blinking up at a dark figure, I can't make out his face. Something sharp against the back of my skull. It burns._

_I close my eyes against the pain. "S-stop. This hurts." The pressure against the back of my head is gone. The pain slowly dissipates to a low-grade pulsing ache._

_I open my eyes slowly and can see clearly._

_The face I see is kind, gentle. It's another skeleton. He wears glasses that sit at the bridge of an invisible nose. His face reminds me of Pap's, oval and angular. He smiles weakly before his hands sign slowly, putting emphasis on his words._

_"It's for your own good. I would never harm you, son."_

_He gently cradles my face. There are holes in the palms of his hands. I'm lying on my back. I know without moving that my limbs are tied down, this...this wasn't new._

_He signs again. "You need to be strong, Sans." He always has to spell out my name by letter. There isn't a sign for it. "Not much longer, I promise."_

_"Not much longer today, or not much longer period?" I ask. My voice is high-pitched, it cracks._

_He chuckles sadly. It's a strange, garbled sound. Like audio tape tearing mid-word. "I hope for the latter, but I meant the former." He signs without looking at me._

_I close my eyes and nod. Of course it wasn't over yet. He wouldn't rest until he "saved me". The pinching pressure at the back of my skull returns. I clench my eyes shut, my fists tighten as I try desperately to stay still._

_My breathing quickens. It feels like liquid fire is filling my skull and trickling down my spine. God, how was it possible to feel this much pain?_

_I can barely feel a delicate hand clasp over mine. I struggle to breathe through the agony, searching for that zen that let me cope. My body sags and I concentrate on just breathing. I shove the pain to the back-burner of my mind._

_I am nothing, I tell myself. I am floating in the void between worlds. From here, nothing can hurt me._

_There is no pain, no weakness, no fear._

_I blink blearily when something nudges my arm. The skeleton stares down at me. My heart swells at the pride in his eyes. "Sans, you did so well today!" He smiles broadly. Hands unclasp the straps holding me down and he gingerly lifts me from the metal table._

_My body is limp in his arms. Someone drapes a blanket over me. My eyes drift right, I see her but I can't make out her face. There's a gentle kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes at the loving contact._

_A soft hand on my cheek. "Rest, sweetheart."_

*

I open my eyes, staring up at the ceiling.

For a long moment I do nothing but lay there and breathe.

I hear Papyrus' door open down the hall. He yawns loudly and unsteadily descends the stairs.

I know I should get up and follow after him. It takes more effort than I expect to sit up. I run my hands over my face and they come back damp. Confused, I wipe my face again. My eyes are swollen. Was I crying?

Weird.

Had I been dreaming about something sad? My phone says it's 9 am. I got four hours of sleep

I shake myself and change into decent clothes before I head downstairs.

Papyrus is steady on his feet today. Excitement blazes in his eyes and he bounces a little when he sees me.

"So what are we doing first?!" He asks when I hit the bottom of the stairs.

"Have you had breakfast?" I ask, sitting on the couch to pull on my sneakers. I actually bother to lace them up today. I was going to need to be steady on my feet too.

Pap nods rapidly. "Toast and an apple!" He blurts loudly.

I chuckle, his enthusiasm is contagious. "You'll need a sweater at least." I tell him as I stand to grab my coat from the door. He's only wearing jeans, snow-boots and a t-shirt.

Papyrus strikes a dramatic pose. "The great Papyrus has no need for a sweater! For I am now impervious to the cold!"

I burst out laughing. I have to double over with my hands on my knees. "The GREAT PAPYRUS has no fear of frost bite!"

I snort and fall to the floor holding my sides. "Th-the 'great Papyrus'?" I ask, wiping tears from my face.

Pap poses dramatically again, his hands on his hips as he closes his eyes and tilts his head up. I snort again. "Indeed! You are lucky enough to be in the presence of the GREAT PAPYRUS! I SEE YOU TREMBLE IN FEAR BUT THIS IS NOT NECESSARY! FOR I THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AM A BENEVOLENT AND MAGNANIMOUS MONSTER!" He yells arrogantly.

He's so committed to the bit! I can't help it, I throw my head back and howl with laughter. It fits him so well and he's hilarious.

"Holy shit, Sans. Don't pee yourself." Papyrus says, laughing nervously as he walks toward me.

I finally catch my breath, coughing hard. He chuckles happily at me, extending a hand to help me back on my feet. "I don't think I've ever seen you laugh so much." He says when I'm standing.

I cough again and grab my coat, smiling at him. He beams in reply. "Go get something. You'll catch your death out there."

"Seriously, Sans? I don't feel the cold. That part I wasn't joking about."

His tone is serious enough that I believe him. "Just because you don't feel it doesn't mean it's benign." He rolls his eyes. Shit, he's taller than he was yesterday. "Just humor me, kiddo."

He sighs but smiles indulgently and runs back to his room.

My heart aches suddenly. He was growing so quickly, literally. I wonder if he'll get much taller. He was a good foot taller than me now. Monsters were supposed to have growth spurts after their magic developed but I don't remember anyone I knew getting that big that quick.

Well...maybe Undyne.

I zip up my coat and stuff my hands into the mittens in my pockets. I shake the ache away.

Papyrus throws his door open and bounds down the stairs. He's put on red mittens and thrown a massive red scarf around his shoulders. But that's it.

My shoulders slump in mildly aggravated disbelief. "What? It's three things!" He replies with a smug smile as he opens the front door. "Hurry up lazy-bones!" He yells as he runs out into the snow.

I laugh to myself and follow him outside. I had no one but myself to blame for teaching him how to be a smart-ass.

*

I slide in the snow and easily avoid Pap's flying bones, my hands still tucked into my coat pockets. Puffs of frustration hang around his face as he tries to catch his breath. "H-how are you th-this good?" He pants.

I shrug and smile smugly. "Big brothers are just better at everything."

Pap laughs breathlessly.

I hear his stomach complain and start walking his way. "C'mon, lets get some cinnabunny's and hot chocolate."

He nods without protest and I know he's more tired than he'd like to admit. "You did good. Most monsters can't handle testing their magic so soon. Proud of you, bro."

Papyrus gasps dramatically. "Kind and sincere words?" I roll my eyes as I walk past him toward Snowdin.

"C'mon, already." I complain. I hear snow crunching as he catches up.

"Jeeze, were you always this slow?" He asks, taking obviously shorter strides to stay at my side.

I frown and pick up my pace, huffing a little as I jog to find a speed that he can walk comfortably. My foot catches a branch and I fall forward. There's a sharp tug on my coat and I stop within inches of a snowbank. "You should be more careful, brother. You could really hurt yourself." Papyrus informs me as he easily lifts me from the ground to his eye-level.

I yawn and blink blearily at him. "Just got tired. You really wore me out."

Papyrus scoffs and rolls his eyes. "I'll carry you then. Like you used to do for me."

"What?" I ask in disbelief as he throws me on his shoulders. "Come on! Don't be weird." I try to swing my legs back over his shoulders to get down but another yawn stops me. "I'm not the weird one. Besides, it's a twenty minute walk to town. Isn't it around your usual nap-time anyway?"

I shake my head, trying and failing to shove away the sleep tugging at my sockets. After a few minutes my head lolls forward onto Pap's. "Just...wake me up when we get to Bunny's."

*

My leg is being shaken and it wakes me. "Huh?"

"We're in Snowdin, brother. And your phone is going crazy."

I'm a little disoriented as Pap kneels and lifts me from his shoulders to set me on my feet. I yawn and pull my phone from my coat. Alphys had sent several more texts. I smile as I read through them. She wanted to make plans after the ceremony if Papyrus was feeling better.

"What ceremony are you blowing off?" Pap asks accusingly.

I jump and shove my phone back in my pocket. "Uh, she-she was made the new Royal Scientist. There's a thing Friday. I told her I should stay with you since you got your magic."

Papyrus stands upright and shrugs as he walks to Bunny's shop. "Well you can 'watch me' at the ceremony. Tell her we're both going."

I stand dumbfounded for a long moment before rushing after him. "But-!"

"She's my friend too. We should be there. I'm not going to be your excuse, Sans."

My shoulders slump but my heart feels lighter than before. It would be nice to see Alphys again... But, ugh. Pap and I would need suits and there would be so many people to talk to. So many awkward questions. But, Alphy would be wearing a dress. For a strange reason that brings a smile to my face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm REALLY sorry about the long wait for the update on this. I got distracted with other fics and life in general, BUT I do have lots of chapters lined up for this! :D

My stomach turns into knots as Pap and I walk through the snow to the river, cutting right through Snowdin. He beams, waving happily at one of his school friends standing outside their house. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.” I grumble as we wait near the riverbank for River Person to show up.

He frowns at me, hands on his hips. Jeeze, he was dramatic. “You need to see your friend. This is important.”

A boat comes into view. One never has to wait long for River Person to arrive, strangely.

“Yeah,” I sigh and adjust my grip on the bag that held our suits and shoes before stepping onto the narrow boat. “I like Alphys, I just don’t like crowds.”

“Too bad.”

I scoff lightly at him, “Hotland, please.” I tell River Person. They don’t turn their hooded face as they hum to themselves, shoving away from the bank with their oar. “Tra-la-la!” The bright signing grates on my nerves immediately and I resist the urge to grumble again.

Papyrus nudges my arm with his elbow. “It’s one night. You’ll make Alphys happy, and you’ll get out of the house.”

I feel tired already. I open my mouth to complain but he adds, “And I’ll get out of the house, too.” Damnit. He shouldn’t be that good at making me feel so guilty.

“You’ll get away from my terrible cooking for the night, also.”

He chuckles at that and we spend the rest of the boat ride in comfortable silence. Water laps at the purple cave walls, dimpled and pitted from the magma that had filled it thousands of years ago. I’m nearly asleep when the boat bumps softly into the river bank.

Pap steps off the boat first and as River Person floats away, they call, “Tra-la-la! Remember to take a break every-so-often!” I pause at that, looking over my shoulder at them as they disappear into the cave. That was weird.

I dismiss it and we climb the carved steps leading from the river bank up to Hotland.

“Can we stay a few days?” Papyrus asks when we pass the narrow walkway leading to the lab. I tear my eyes away from it as we walk up the next bridge to the elevator. “I don’t know. The apartments’ basically empty now.” I reply flatly, hitting the call button.

“Please, Sans? I really want to see my friends again.”

I close my eyes so I don’t groan, opening them again when the elevator chimes brightly. “Monsters saw us leave Snowdin,” I tell him as we step into the elevator. “Someone’s going to wonder why you aren’t in school.”

“And school suddenly matters to you?” he grumbles.

“I’ll think about it, okay?” I finally concede. The light that sparkles in his eyes tells me I was going to have to give a half-assed excuse for him missing school.

The long walk to our old apartment is exhausting, but I manage to get there with only a few uncontrolled yawns. “We should have come up yesterday so we could sleep before the party.”

Papyrus scoffs at me and takes his suit from the wardrobe bag. “You’re so tired all the time because you don’t get out of the house!”

I shrug and throw the bag over the couch, watching him scurry happily to his old bedroom down the hall. Quickly, I change into my own suit, tossing my clothes over the wardrobe bag. I adjust the tie around my neck, frowning at myself in the mirror in the kitchen. I don’t like the way I look dressed up.

I went with simple black suits and white shirts, Pap insisted on a colored tie. A dark orange one for him and a dark blue for me. I didn’t argue, I wasn’t going to wear the thing again regardless. But if he didn’t grow too much he could use his suit again for one of the formal dances at the end of the school year.

Pap peeks out of the hall as I fumble with the cheap cuff-links on my sleeves. “Ready to go?” I ask, finally clasping them. “Uh, can’t get my tie done.” He admits sheepishly, stepping into the living room with the tie hanging limp in his hand.

I give a small chuckle and gesture him closer. I can see his socks under the hem of his pants, so much for getting another use out of the suit. He has to bend down so I can toss the tie around his neck and adjust the length. “Don’t forget the king is going to be there. And the royal guards.” I remind him. “So try to keep your enthusiasm curbed.” I smile, remembering his uncontrolled excitement when he first saw the royal guard when he was four. He’d ran right up to one of the massive dogs and pet them, causing them to fall over on their back in full armor and demand belly rubs. On duty.

He rolls his eyes and stands up straight when I finish the knot. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll _try_ not to embarrass you in public.”

I snort at that before checking the time on my phone. We’d have to hustle to get to the castle in time. “Crap, come on. We’re running late.”

*

The golden hall at the far end of the castle is brimming with monsters when we arrive. Tables are set up, covered with linen and shimmering lights hang suspended between the massive pillars on either side of the hall.

Pap hauls me through the crowd, waving excitedly when he spots someone. (He can easily see since he stands a full foot taller than most of the monsters around us.) “ALPHYS!” He cries out and my heart leaps to my throat. I stumble as he pulls me closer and I can hear her voice through the general rumbling.

“O-oh my goo-goodness! You’re so-so _tall_ , Pap-Papyrus!”

Papyrus is beaming when I find my footing again, I turn and smile at Alphys. “Hey, Al. You look nice.” She did. Really. The black dress hugged her sides and complimented her shape as it fell all the way to floor, her tail barely poking free behind her. The small plunge at her neck dropped just under her collar bone but her claw hovered under her muzzle to hide the rarely exposed scales. I pull her into a half-hug and she giggles awkwardly. “You-you look nice, too. Al-all dressed up. The both of you!”

I step back and she holds her face in her claws, a yellow blush burning her cheeks. “Th-this attention is going to du-dust me, I—”

She’s interrupted by a deep, hearty chuckle. A large paw settles on her shoulders and she jumps. “Now, now, Dr. Alphys, we cannot have a new Royal Scientist without a proper celebration!” My bones prickle in some undetermined emotion as the king stands over us. Nearly ten feet tall with horns curving toward the back of his neck, thick white curling fur, and an aura of ancient magic, he would be downright terrifying if he weren’t such a well-known softy.

“Dr. Sans, what a wonderful surprise! How have you been?” Asgores tone brightens considerably and before I can react my hand is engulfed in his massive paw in an enthusiastic shake. “I-I’ve been good, you remember my brother, Papyrus?” I shift his attention to Pap, noticing Alphys’ quickly falling smile at the kings’ obvious excitement.

“My goodness, you’ve grown! I remember when you were barely a foot tall.”

“He’s still just as interested in the royal guard as ever.” I add, giving an apologetic expression to Alphys when Asgore nods approvingly. Papyrus’ cheek bones flush dark orange. “Well, you should go speak to the captain of the guard, Undyne after the ceremony. She’s the tall fish with red hair, over there by the dogs.”

“I-I WILL!” Pap answers loudly, earning a good-natured chuckle from Asgore.

The smile is slowly returning to Alphys’ muzzle when Asgore adds, “At-a-boy, the royal guard is a very prestigious job. I admire youth with ambition. Speaking of,” his tone turns fatherly when he looks back down at me. “I would love if you returned to the lab, it would certainly speed up research if we had more minds like yours working down there. Plus I’m certain Dr. Alphys misses you.”

I try to laugh off the suggestion but it falls flat with all three of them staring so intently at me. I chuckle again and shrug, “Yeah, well, maybe I’ll think about it?” I say non-committaly, already regretting the hope that sparked in their eyes.

“I sincerely hope you do return.” Asgore says warmly. Music begins to play softly and I’m saved from further conversation when he chirps, “Oh! I do believe that’s our cue, Dr. Alphys, if you’d join me?”

“S-sure.” She replies, scurrying after him without looking back.

My hands clench in my pants pockets as the crowd shifts to watch Alphys and Asgore cross the large golden hall, stopping to stand in the middle. The back of my neck prickles as I sense Papyrus leaning closer to me. “Did you mean it?” He asks, unable to keep the hope from trembling happily in his voice.

“That I’d think about it? Yeah, but don’t get your hopes up.” I whisper dead-pan.

He sighs and I can feel the disappointment roll off of him. After a long moment I turn to comfort him but he’s gone. “Shit.” I murmur.

My heart kick-starts in my chest and I scan the crowd, slipping past monsters before I even realized I was moving. Distantly I hear Asgore speaking loud enough to be heard throughout the hall, but I don’t hear his words.

 _Fucking hell, why am I so short?!_ I think furiously to myself as I search for Papyrus. After I bump into a fourth monster I pause. Where would I go if I were him? I smack myself on the forehead angrily and screw my eyes shut in frustration. _Ugh! I’m an absolute asshole._

I wobble suddenly. It felt like every ounce of energy fled from my chest and disappeared into the floor. Someone catches me across the shoulders with an arm and my pupils roll as my vision struggles to focus. “SANS?!” My brother’s voice is painfully loud in my ear.

I shake my head as my leg muscles slowly remember how to support my weight. “Are you al-alright?” A warm palm briefly touches my face. My vision finally focuses with several rapid blinks and I see Alphys leaning over me.

I manage a smile and stand, pulling away from Pap and hiding my trembling hands. They exchange a worried glance as I laugh it off. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just can’t _stand_ the excitement tonight.”

“UGH! HE’S FINE!” Pap yells in relieved frustration.

Alphys flusters a little, “Ma-maybe you sh-should sit down?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell her. “Sorry I interrupted the ceremony, but I’m glad I found Pap.”

Papyrus frowns and Alphys tilts her head strangely. “W-we haven’t sta-started the ceremony.”

“And what do you mean you ‘found’ me?”

“Y-you should re-really sit down, Sans.”

“Oh, Dr. Sans! What a wonderful sur… my goodness, are you all right?” The color fades from the room as I realize something impossible has happened. “Sorry, uh, little sick to my stomach. Don’t stop on my account.” The words tumble from my mouth as I turn and push my way through the crowd.

My heart races, sweat breaks out over my skin and I stumble my way to the nearest wall. I brace one arm against the cold marble and slowly catch my breath. Looking up I see monsters moving toward the center of the hall and soon the loud rumble of Asgores voice carries over the crowd.

I can feel the trembling in my spine begin to worsen, and just as I start to think I’m going to come undone I see the temporary bar set-up across the hall as the crowd continues to move forward. With a shake of my head I shove away from the wall and make my way over.

The tall fire-monster behind the folding table acting as the bar tilts his head curiously. A pair of glasses sit on his flaming featureless face, serving as a point of reference for his eyes (which he doesn’t have). I don’t bother with trying to understand and quietly ask for a drink to hide the shake in my voice.

He tips his head in what I assume is a nod and pours a honey colored liquid into a clear glass, leaving little room. I steady my hand and throw back the alcohol. A hot shudder passes through me and for a second I think I can make out a smirk on his flickering face. He raises the bottle questioningly and I nod, accepting another brimming glass.

My head starts to spin after I down it but the ease sinking into my muscles is worth it. When he raises the bottle again in question I decline. He offers soda instead and I chuckle, nodding as I finally slide into a seat. I turn so my back is against the wall and I rest my elbow on the table, looking out over the crowd.

Now I can clearly hear Asgore, though he sounds nearly done with his speech, and I can think a little more calmly about what happened.

“…cellence and remarkable character displayed by our Dr. Alphys, I have chosen her to fill the long empty roll of Royal Scientist!” I swallow a mouthful of soda before joining the crowd in applause, hoping its enough to cover the smell of alcohol on my breath when I see Papyrus spot me.

I pretend not to notice him until he’s much closer, feigning an easy up-tilt of my chin in recognition as his long strides bring him to the bar. His sockets narrow uneasily at the bartender, who’s busying himself with another customer.

“Are you okay? You took off so quickly I couldn’t follow you.”

I shrug. “Yeah, just needed something to drink.” I lift my soda can and take another drink.

Pap stiffens and groans quietly in disapproval. I jerk my chin toward Undyne standing near the edge of the crowd, he turns as she sticks her fingers in her mouth to whistle loudly over the applause. She’s dressed in her usual armor, but her helmet is tucked securely under her arm. Her wild red hair temporarily tamed with a tight braid that circles her skull.

“That’s the captain of the guard. She just got promoted recently. I’d go talk to her about what it takes to join if I were you.” I tell him with a smirk.

He falters for a second, looking back at me nervously. “Just be yourself, Pap.” I encourage. He quickly, anxiously licks his teeth and stands up straighter before marching confidently over to her as the applause dies.

I smile when he sticks his arm straight out for a handshake, tilting his head back as he grips and shakes her metal-gloved hand firmly. I can’t hear their conversation over the murmur of the crowd, but her face stretches into a broad smile as he talks animatedly to her.

The full effect of the alcohol sinks through my thoughts, fully relaxes my muscles and I find it even harder to keep my eyes open.

I blink blearily and sip more of the soda, hoping the sugar and caffeine might keep me awake. Just as I turn to ask the bartender for coffee he sets a steaming mug of it in front of me. “You got a creepy anticipation of your customers.” I mumble, struggling not to slur my words.

He shrugs lightly, glancing back out over the crowd as monsters being to mill about. “You wouldn’t…happen to be Grillby? The owner of the bar in Snowdin?” I ask after sipping the perfectly bitter cup.

He nods once, the golden light of the hall reflecting off his glasses.

“Huh, haven’t been in there yet. I’ll definitely go when I get back.”

He nods again mutely.

“S-Sans!” I turn with a broad smile when I hear Alphys’ voice. “Y-you lo-look better. I hav-have good news!” Her cheeks glow with excitement.

“Better than being made the Royal Sscientissst?” I’m having issues with my s’s. I make a note to avoid them for a little while and drink more coffee. She nods earnestly. “Yes! As-Asgore told me I-I can hire any-nyone I want to! I would lo-lo-love for you to come back to the la-ab! We can work on-on whatever you’ve been res-searching lately.” She adds the last sentence much quieter than her others.

I give a small sigh, feeling my shoulders slump a few inches. “How ‘bout I think ‘bout it, Alph?”

She chews her bottom lip to control the smile pulling at the edges of her short muzzle and grips one of her scaly hands with the other tightly near her waist. The action reveals the short plunge at her chest and I can’t keep myself from glancing once…twice over the glimmering scales. I distract myself with another drink of coffee, finishing off my mug.

Guess whatever happened earlier didn’t damper her enthusiasm about my returning to the lab. No matter how much I _didn’t_ want to go back I couldn’t ruin her night.

I drop some gold on the table with a half-smile at Grillby, it was enough to cover whatever I drank and a little extra. He nods silently and I slide out of my chair. “Pap iss going to talk Undyne’s ear off.” I tilt my head toward them across the hall and Alphys snickers, following me.

Undyne wears the expression of someone caught in a conversation that’s either gone for too long or is going way over her head and is struggling to stay polite. As we get closer I realize it’s because Pap has asked several questions just after I got in ear-shot and hasn’t paused to let her answer any of them.

I smile and nudge him gently with my elbow. “Hey bro, I see you found Undyne. Congrats on the promotion, by the way.” I was getting better with s’s.

Pap beams, his sockets sparkling with admiration.

“Thanks, Sans. How’s the move been? Haven’t seen you since.” She asks, glancing sideways at Alphys with a bright smile.

I shrug. “Been okay, still getting settled I guess. Hope Pap hasn’t talked your fins off yet.”

Pap frowns at me, his eyes darting back to Undyne clearing saying ‘stop embarrassing me’, but I ignore him.

Undyne laughs loudly, throwing her head back. Alphys and Pap jump at the sudden sound, but I have enough liquor in my veins to be okay with the outburst.

“Oh not at all! I just didn’t know what to answer first! He’s quite…enthusiastic!” She pauses for a moment to find an appropriate word. Papyrus beams at the praise. “Yeah, he’s finally tall enough to be considered for a guard, right?"

Undyne blows a raspberry with a scoff. “Pssh, yeah, more than tall enough. But not old enough. Gotta be 20, _at least_ to join.”

Papyrus dims a little at that but before any of us can offer any encouragement he perks up, pulling the dramatic person he’d recently adopted. His fists rest at his hips and he puffs his chest out. “WELL, THAT’S JUST MORE TIME TO GET EVEN MORE QUALIFIED!” He yells exuberantly.

I can’t help but smile broadly at his optimism.

“ _THAT’S_ the spirit!” Undyne booms, slapping him hard on the back with a shark-toothed grin.

Pap wobbles a little under the force of the blow but recovers with a jovial chuckle. I look at Alphys who’s claw has returned to hover delicately over the exposed scales on her chest. She smiles at the exchange, unaware of her modest gesture.

She glances at me and does a double-take, blushing when I don’t look away. “Wh-what is it?” She whispers, flustered.

I shrug casually. “Black really suits you.” I tell her, leaning closer so only she hears me. Her blush deepens as she struggles to hide the embarrassed smile that turns into a shy laugh and my own smile grows.

The rest of the evening goes by in a mild blur. The kind of swirl of color you get from happiness and ease uninterrupted from one moment to the next. The strangeness of my sudden collapse/foresight isn’t mentioned for the rest of the night and I’m thankful.

The hall is filled with the appreciative mumbles of good food and better company as a veritable feast is laid out for us. Everyone helps set up tables and chairs while the catering staff bring in their steaming dishes.

Alphys and I have a few more drinks, and Pap doesn’t mind. The rest of the royal guard join us, cramming around our small round table. Things continue to fade until dark, rich colors replace bright, washed out colors. There’s spouts of laughter and a few giggles, a reprimanding but light tone.

And I wake up on my back staring a familiar ceiling with no recollection of how I got there.

I blink several times before habitually reaching for my glasses which always rested on my nightstand. I roll from the bed and land with a loud groan on the dusty carpet. My skull spins before I realize I shouldn’t be here.

I sit up sharply and screw my sockets shut when the sudden movement makes my stomach flip. Holding a hand to my temple I remind myself we came back to the apartment in New Home for Alphys’ celebration. Of course I would sleep in my own room. But I wouldn’t sleep on the very edge of the bed, I always slept with my back to the wall.

I cautiously open my sockets and realize I fell asleep in my suit pants and shirt. My sleeves are folded haphazardly, one higher than the other, my tie is tugged half-way free and two of my top buttons are undone.

I grab the edge of the nightstand and haul myself upright, freezing when I see the rounded golden body of Alphys sleeping soundly with her back against my wall. Her dress is tangled up over her hip, bunched around her thigh that’s twisted with the bed sheet she struggled to pull to her chin. One of her claws lightly clutches the taught fabric at her chest and the other is thrown back by her face. Her glasses were caught by her horns sometime in the night and her chest slowly rises and falls with her soft breaths.

I’m not sure how long I stare before I my muscles begin to protest at the awkward position. Standing upright I realize my belt was still firmly buckled and my shirt still tucked in my pants.

My panic slowly subsides and I drag a hand over my face with a sigh of relief. Only thing worse than sleeping with your best friend would be not remembering it even happened.

I carefully nudge her glasses back in place without waking her and pull the comforter from its pile at the foot of the bed over her. She doesn’t even twitch.

I smile at her and drudge to the door. The smell and sounds of breakfast make my stomach growl in anticipation.

**Author's Note:**

> I just feel the need to mention Sans referring to Pap as a "little shit" is done lovingly. Who else but siblings can call each other names like that affectionately?


End file.
